One More Light
by Harlin
Summary: Unknown to the Titans, Raven plans to spend Christmas alone. She's never told them about the death of her mother or the destruction of Azarath. But when a worried Robin arrives home on Christmas day, she may have to confess.


_Inspired by the song 'One More Light' by Linkin Park_

* * *

Their plans for Christmas were thought of months in advance. Starfire had been talking about a visit to her home planet for some time and, having experienced the human tradition for a number of years now, thought it might be a good opportunity to go. Cyborg had received an invitation from Titans East to spend Christmas with them, mainly due to his long-running, long-distance relationship with their leader Bee. Beast Boy had been longing to spend more time with the Doom Patrol after reconnecting with them, while Robin was feeling the same towards Batman.

That only left Raven.

She wasn't stupid; she understood why her teammates were reluctant to make definite Christmas plans when she hadn't announced her own. It was why they all worked so well together; none of them were left behind. No one was going anywhere if it meant one of them would stay behind for Christmas. So she took matters into her own hands late November to free them all.

"I think I will see Azarath for the holidays. Not that they celebrate Christmas, but a change of scenery would be nice."

After that, they all set their own separate plans for the holidays. They didn't go further to question Raven's own plans because she had never told them. Never told them that during her father's 'visit' to earth, he'd made a pit stop to her home dimension. One that resulted in the destruction of her home, slaughtering every soul that lived there. Including her mother, the only other family she knew of.

She still remembered those early days when, after celebrating the defeat of Trigon, she would curl into the dark corners of her room and muffle her sobs into her cloak. The defeat of her father may have brought the freedom to feel without levelling a city block, but it was bittersweet when all she wanted to do was cry.

The last thing she planned to do was hint to her teammates about her solo Christmas plans. Not only was the fate of Azarath a long kept secret, she couldn't keep them from their loved ones. They deserved this time and it wasn't their fault that she had no one left but them. It also wasn't their fault that the thought of being left alone made her throat tightened, that the idea of Christmas brought all kinds of feelings she had buried. Azarath may not have celebrated Christmas, but her mother certainly had.

Starfire left a week before Christmas, taking the T-Ship to make the journey home. Cyborg left in the T-Car a few days later, taking Beast Boy with him to drop him off along the way. Robin lingered behind for another day and had made Raven's stomach flutter with his concern. Eventually though, she pushed him out the door with reassurances that she was leaving soon anyway and she could handle locking down the tower. She watched him as he speed away on his motorbike, feeling more and more alone as he disappeared over the horizon.

She waited until Christmas Eve before she turned off all the lights and activated the locks. She created a portal large enough to trigger Cyborg's sensors before closing it, leaving only the emergency lights to illuminate the corridors. She knew enough about Cyborgs system to know the sensors to short circuit without triggering concern and protect her small movements. Turning on the lights would show too much activity but, as long as she didn't move around the tower much, her movements should be small and concealed enough that no one should look any closer.

There was one 'luxury' she allowed herself though. Before they all left, they had set up a Christmas tree in the middle of the living room to all enjoy during December. They'd traded gifts under it before Starfire left and she had felt the familiar joy the season usually gave. So, she'd decided to leave the fairy lights on, hoping that she could pass it off as a mistake if anyone asked.

Dressed in leggings and the 'gothic' Christmas sweater Beast Boy had gifted her (featuring a skeleton reindeer that Raven had to admit (begrudgingly) was neat), she teleported to the living room. She had planned a terrifying novel as her read over this time titled _The House of Leaves,_ hoping it would be enough to distract her until this terrible day was over. But it wasn't until she sat on the sofa, settled into the silence and a mountain of blankets, that she found there was no escape.

Without her friend's around, she remembers the small potted plant her mother would string with lights, the presents wrapped in hand-pressed paper. Her mother's smile as she doted over her small daughter, extra forgetful of the small slips of emotion she made. Her soft lilac hair and her warm violet eyes and how she deserved _so_ much more than how it ended…

She clutched the blankets to her chest, heaving as the first sob escaped. And even though she was painfully aware no one was around to hear, she brought the blankets up to her face to silence her tears.

* * *

Robin adjusted his bow-tie in a very un-Richard Grayson manner, feeling all the more uncomfortable without his mask. The last few days had been nice but he'd almost forgotten that Bruce Wayne came with his public persona. Part of that persona was his annual Christmas Eve Charity Ball, something (in hindsight) he should have remembered.

He reached for a champagne glass from a waiter, smiling slightly to a passing guest. He would have been supremely bored if it wasn't for his panic. Panic because, before Robin left the tower, he may have done something supremely stupid.

In the Titan's kitchen cupboard, left under a certain Titan's favourite mug, he'd left a small red present. Nothing too obvious and innocently sweet on the surface. And it would have been, if Robin hadn't word-vomited all of his repressed love for the dark Titan in the card included.

In the last few weeks, she'd seemed more withdrawn, more melancholy. For many, it wouldn't have been a concern when referring to Raven. But for Robin, it tugged at his sensitive heart strings that he was already desperately trying to ignore. So, after gifting her some bookmarks (that ended up being an _awful_ choice in hindsight), he'd wrapped the gift he may have purchased for her last birthday and never had the guts to give.

What had started as an attempt to cheer her up ended in an awkward love confession that he had abandoned under her tea mug at the last second when he didn't have the nerve to give it to her personally. Considering she would have found it by now and hadn't said even a word to him made him, well, a little on edge.

Swallowing the flute in one, he made his way to a dark corner and deposited the empty glass along the way. In the Wayne mansion, there were many concealed alcoves and Robin found one behind some heavy drapery. Checking his communicator again, his heart stilled when we saw a message waiting, only to drop in disappointment when he saw it was a message from Cyborg to call.

"Good look," Cyborg smirked when he answered.

Robin self-consciously touched his cheek. Long were the days where he guarded his identity viciously but he was still far from walking the tower halls without his mask.

"Just wanted to update you on the security," Cyborg continued. "Raven left this evening and set up the security. My reports show a few sensors may have malfunctioned but no where sensitive. I'll make sure to run a full diagnostics when I'm back."

Robin nodded politely, knowing Cyborg wouldn't have called him for just to report the status of their security. That was Cyborg's territory and, although Robin was the leader, he wasn't interested in putting his nose in where it wasn't needed.

"She did forget to turn off the Christmas tree lights though."

That little fact stumped him for a moment. It was insignificant but so unlike Raven to miss a small detail like that. He'd been certain that they were turned off when he left and Raven had seemed so disinterested in anything Christmas. Why would she suddenly turn and then leave the lights on?

Cyborg seemed to know this as well, from the look he was giving him. He could hear the shouts behind Cyborg though and the voice of someone calling for him.

"Thanks Cyborg. I'll check it out."

Cyborg gave him a warm smile.

"I know. Merry Christmas Robin."

Robin wished him the same as the call ended. He immediately opened the logs from the tower that recorded all activity. Sure enough, a release of energy that evening that indicated a portal. Besides the faulty sensors, there was no indication on any issues. Robin began to wonder why he thought Raven couldn't be forgetful just once.

It was out of habit that he searched through the records after Raven's departure. These records were just sound clippings, normally triggered by nothing but a swinging door or a gust of wind. He selected one at random, his blood turning to ice the moment he heard it.

He played it a few times, just to be sure, but it was a noise he had hoped never to hear again. It punctured something inside him and stayed, even when he had only heard it once; the day Trigon came to earth.

He tried to call her communicator but after a few failed attempts, he ripped the drapes out of his way, tugging at his bow-tie. He didn't know why Raven was still there, why she was crying. Only that he couldn't get out of this stupid tux and back on the road fast enough.

* * *

Bruce had been understanding, although despondent, when Robin had told him in his hurry that he needed to leave. He paused in his panic long enough to awkwardly tell Bruce how he had enjoyed his time and hoped to visit soon. Although both had never been good with words, they parted with a shared understanding and an awkward hug.

Dressed in regular civilian clothes, he rode his unmarked motorbike through the night at neck breaking speeds. The journey back to Jump City was not one that he should do in one trip but, as far as Robin was concerned, he wasn't driving fast enough. Alone on the highway with nothing but the stars above, he thought of explanations. The worst scenarios, of Slade holding her hostage within the tower, refused to escape his mind. But he knew that was not realistic, if only for the fact that Slade would have made some demands by now.

He was close with Raven, close enough that he understood her relationship with her mother had not been an easy one. No denying the love was there, but tensions between them had been strained due to Raven's heritage and her emotional limitations. The most logical reason was that the two must have had some argument that affected Raven. That he'd accidentally stumbled across a rare vulnerable moment and she would be back in Azarath by the time he reached the tower.

But even that didn't add up. Raven had been in many distressing and horrific situations in her young life; enough to supply anyone with a life time of nightmares. He'd seen her mad, seen her upset and even distraught. But only once, in their whole friendship, had he ever seen her cry. It had literally taken the end of the world to force those tears out.

He drove through the night, convincing himself that's all it could be. But he kept his hand on the throttle, refusing to let up as deep down, he knew only something truly awful could cause such a reaction from Raven.

* * *

Under the same stars, Raven was still on the sofa with only the twinkling tree to give her light. She was exhausted and everything hurt; her head, her eyes, her throat. But she couldn't make herself stop. Every time she found a moment of silence, a flash of lilac, sun off cobble stones, a flock of doves would remind her of what she had lost.

The comfort she had sought by keeping those blasted fairy lights on only reminded her that there was no one left to enjoy them with. Everyone had someone to spend special days with and without the Titans, she had no one. Maybe, when the Titans eventually ended, she would just have no one. She'd often felt alone but with her thoughts spiralling, the idea that she was truly alone made her gut tighten to a fist.

She remained, stuck between gasps and tears, until the sun began to shine across the sea. The thought that this day was closer to ending finally calmed her and for the first time that night, she realised she could make it through the day. After that, it would just be another day, nothing special about it at all. Finally, she managed to find comfort snuggled in her blankets and fell into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

Robin arrived back in the tower just after midday on Christmas Day, too anxious to really be tired and smelling terrible from his travels. He'd had the foresight though to stop at one of the few convenience stores open along the way. There weren't many options left, mostly essentials and junk food, but Robin made sure to stock up anyway. Even if Raven was not there, Robin would need to feed himself and try to forget about Alfred's famous Christmas lunch.

He sent a quick message to Cyborg to not panic about the system activity, ignoring him when he asked why. He used his communicator to deactivate the security in the garage, half-heartedly munching on an energy bar while he waited for the system to finish disarming. It flashed a warning about the faulty sensors, which he disregarded and headed straight for the elevator.

Finally being in the tower and seeing nothing amiss, Robin let weariness wash over him. Without her even knowing, Raven had him completely wrapped around her little finger. The mere idea of her crying (as if!) had thrown him into a frenzy and rushing back on _Christmas_. He felt himself warm slightly in shame, certain this was a story he was _never_ going to admit to.

He entered the living room, noting the fairy lights were on, and dropped his keys and bags loudly on a kitchen bench. A small movement from the sofa caught his attention and he stilled. Walking slowing over, he felt dread creeping over him. Because there, under a pile of blankets, was Raven in a fitful sleep. There was no way of putting it politely: she looked terrible.

"Oh, Raven," he murmured, kneeling next to her head to brush down her matted hair.

Her blankets were clutched tightly in her small fists, pulled up to her chin. Her face was scrunched as she slept, eyes and nose bright red. He found a spot next to her and sat, stroking her hair as he worried. He was glad she was here and safe, but it had him on edge to know she was so upset and with no idea why. Even while sleeping, she looked exhausted and he didn't dare wake her to ask.

He sat for a while, stroking her hair and murmuring gentle words. Although he wanted to stay and watch over her a little longer, he was well aware that he had only eaten an energy bar and was in desperate need of a shower. With a groan of reluctance, he stood and made his way to the bathroom, reassuring himself over and over that she was fine; she was safe, she was here and she was whole. That in itself was worth the crazed trip back.

* * *

Raven awoke later that afternoon, groggy but grateful to have passed enough time for the sun to disappear to the other side of the tower. She wasn't expecting the smell of cooking though and immediately thought, _Fire!_

She shot up, wide eyed and wild hair to see none other than the boy wonder, dressed in clean civilian clothes and cooking omelettes in the kitchen.

"Morning."

She just stared in reply, her brain slowly processing the sight in front of her. Slowly, it dawned that he should _not_ be here at all and he must have questions she did _not_ want to explain. Slowly, her mortification grew.

"Hungry?"

She shook her head rapidly. Robin ignored her though, plating a mushroom omelette and walking over to hand it to her. She took it silently, leaving it on her lap.

"Better eat up. Judging but he food left over, someone's been skipping meals."

Her ears burned in shame. It's not like she had intentionally missed meals, she just hadn't been hungry. She wasn't even now but she numbly began eating, taking each bite painfully slow. Robin took a seat on the opposite end of the sofa with his own plate. She refused to meet his eyes, although she could feel his gaze burning a hole into the top of her head.

"Not much of a Christmas lunch but we didn't really prepare for the holiday. There must be better food in Azarath, even without celebrating Christmas."

Her hand shook and she had to put down her fork. With her head still bowed, she blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay.

"Raven, is there a reason you're not there?"

She knew Robin was trying to help, trying to be gentle while he figured out what had happened. But she couldn't tell him, she could barely face the truth herself. A whole world, millions upon millions of life's lost. Because of her. Because of who and what she was. The only blood family who had ever cared, gone.

"Raven, you can talk to me."

But she couldn't. She knew Robin understood the loss of family better than anyone. He'd been there through every step of her father, had always been there for her. But she couldn't burden him with this, something she'd hidden for so long. Especially when he should be sending time with his adoptive father.

"Why are you here?" She whispered, gaze still fixed to her plate.

"I… heard something on the security."

 _'Stupid!' s_ he scolded herself.

"Raven, you know you can talk to me. Whatever happened, I'm sure you and your mother can work it out. It's Christmas after all and-"

She couldn't hear anymore. She dropped her plate to the coffee table, letting it clatter as she went to stand. If it was anyone but Robin, she would have managed to have escaped. But Robin knew her too well and was already in front of her before she could stand.

"Please talk to me. I can help."

"You can't," she whispered, her voice cracking halfway.

Robin was panicking with worry. No matter how she hid her face, he knew she was on the verge of crying again and it was breaking him. She was trembling and he'd never seen her so vulnerable. He opened his mouth, if only to plead with her further when her despair snapped into fury.

"It's nothing!" she roared, transporting away and leaving Robin with the breakfast mess and crumpled blankets.

He growled in frustration, fisting his hair in his hands. He knew Raven was stubborn but at least her rage wasn't as destructive as it once was. He was certain though that she still had the ability to blast him into next week if he pushed her. He swallowed his worry, vowing that he would give her some time before trying again.

* * *

He lasted twenty minutes; the exact time it took to clean up. Tentatively, he knocked on her door, only to be greeted with a shrill, "Go away!"

At a loss, he sat outside her door. He knew she could sense him there, waiting. He wanted to give her the space she needed, while letting her know at the same time that he was not letting up. He would not let her escape without an explanation. When it came to competitions of stubbornness, he always won.

Raven seemed to remember this after an hour, emerging with a hoodie covering her face. Robin, who'd started to doze against the wall, leaped to his feet as soon as he heard her door. He eagerly tried to catch sight of her face, but it was completely shrouded in shadow.

"What do you want?"

Robin was flabbergasted for one a moment, before he replied, "What do you mean Raven?"

He watched as she wrapped her arms around herself, only letting a small tremor shake her small frame. He reached for her but stopped, leaving his hand hovering in mid-air, as he knew Raven's attitude to her personal space.

He just watched as she offered a weak shrug, keeping her head concealed and bowed. Knowing what she would say next, he whispered, "Raven. This is not nothing."

She answered with a sob and, personal space be damned, he swept the poor girl into his arms. He cradled her as he sat on the floor, whispering words of comfort as she cried, face buried into his chest. He didn't know how long they stayed like that, only that he couldn't bear to let her go. And Raven, who had not been so vulnerable to another person in a long time, let out some word-vomit of her own.

"She's dead."

"Oh," Robin sighed, the situation dawning. "Oh, I'm so sorry Raven."

"He killed her Robin. He killed them all because of me," she gasped, clutching at his shirt.

He felt his blood run cold as he swallowed. "Is he back?"

She shook her head, still buried in his now damp shirt, not that he minded. His detective mind kicked in and a chilling thought crossed his mind, one he had never considered before.

"You mean," he answered, his voice deadly calm, "Trigon murdered your mother when he was here before?"

He felt her nod and listened as, between sobs and tears, she told the horrifying story about how her home dimension was reduced to nothing but skeletons and smouldering ruins. How he'd shown her exactly what he would do to Earth by using Azarath as an example.

"But Raven, that happened _years_ ago."

It was devastating to learn that she'd been hurting all this time, dealing with such a loss without a single soul knowing. He knew Raven was a secretive person but never knew it extended this far. What else had she hidden from him?

He knew it really wasn't the time, but he couldn't help the stab of betrayal. They were good friends, weren't they? Didn't she trust him to tell him? One thing was for certain though; thank God he hadn't given her that gift yet.

He froze and felt Raven doing the same, lifting her face so he could see her swollen eyes and tear-stained cheeks. Her eyes were wide and vulnerable, looking both scared and uncomfortable. He lifted the sleeve of his own hoodie, wiping her cheeks and trying to give his best reassuring smile.

"Robin-"

"Shh," he whispered, brushing her hair back and generally fussing over her. "You can always talk to me about this, whenever you want to. But it's Christmas and I want you to at least smile once today."

She only nodded up to him numbly, not making a noise as he scooped her up and carried her in his arms. She only stared, dumbfounded, as he began talking animatedly about the possibilities of Christmas waffles. As he walked to the living room again though, she felt that familiar warmth swelling in her chest.

* * *

Once her stunned silence had worn off, she felt her pride prickle at all of Robin's fussing. At first, she bit her tongue as she felt his worry radiating from him in tidal waves. Robin was a fighter and with that came the desire to solve every problem he encountered. Although he couldn't solve this problem, she allowed him to tuck her back into blankets, setting to cooking whatever was available and returning every few minutes to re-tuck her blankets or smooth her hair.

When he returned once with a cloth to wash her face, she almost lost it at him again. Until he stunned her back into silence by pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Robin spent the afternoon using his convenience store purchases to make Christmas themed waffles. Most were disasters, as Robin was clearly not known for his cooking. Unlike Raven's though, they at least looked eatable. He started with Skittle waffles, moving onto candy canes. It wasn't until he used snowmen marshmallows (whose faces melted into ghoul screams) that he finally got a smile out of Raven.

It wasn't until later, after Raven had eaten and taken a much-needed shower, that they settled on the sofa to watch a Christmas movie. It was a Titan Christmas tradition to do the same on Christmas day, so it was an easy activity to default to. The difference was that, with just the two of them, they could pick a truly awful one and make fun without offending Starfire.

Well, that was Robin's plan when he selected one of the monstrosities that Starfire had purchased. But Raven simply shook her head, holding out an old DVD of _Love Actually._ It seemed like such an un-Raven choice, but he agreed anyway and put it on.

"My mother loved this movie," she offered softly as he sat beside her. "I miss her."

Robin nodded gently, wrapping his arms around her small frame in a comforting hug, bringing her to his chest. He had long accepted his own parents fate but understood how these feeling would never truly go away.

Instead, he gave her a playful gab and teased, "This isn't very age appropriate though, isn't it?"

Raven laughed and he felt his grin split across his face. "Yes! She was never the most... tactful parent."

They feel into as easy chat, comparing childhood stories and half watching the screen. He kept his arms around her, using one hand to play with her damp hair. Although he felt bad for thinking it, he couldn't think of a better Christmas than having the girl he loved in his arms. He just hoped she couldn't hear his heart, which felt like it was about to leap from his chest.

* * *

When the movie ended, Raven turned her head to glance up at Robin. He had fallen silent and his fingers had stilled a while ago. She could see now that he was asleep, his head draped at an awkward angle over the arm rest. She smiled faintly, bringing up an arm to trace a finger against his jaw.

She wasn't disappointed; he had seemed tired and must've had a long trip to make it back when he did. She was content to let him sleep. It was enough to be reminded that someone cared enough to make the journey just because he thought she was upset. She owed him more than she could ever put into words.

In the darkness of the night, neither of them had turned the lights on. The only light was the glow from the TV and the twinkling fairy lights, which had never been turned off. She watched them now, the comfort of Robin under her cheek and gentle rise of his chest. She remembered now those sad thoughts; of a mother's gentle smile over a haphazard Christmas tree. The sting in her eyes remained but also a fondness that brought a slight smile to her face.

She reached her arm down to give him a gentle squeeze before rising, careful not to wake him. Although she couldn't do much to improve the posture of his neck, she eased her blankets over him to keep him warm. Remembering his actions from this afternoon, he swept his hair from his forehead and placed a kiss of her own. Blushing madly, she quickly ducked away to the kitchen.

She had only opened the cupboard and reached for her favourite mug when the gift wrap caught her eye. Her eyebrows furrowed, reaching to lift her gift and her mug out, placing the mug softly on the bench. She studied the glittering red paper, turning the small gift to read the label attached.

 _Raven_  
 _Love, Robin_

Confused, she glanced to Robin's sleeping form. Had he not given her those bookmarks before everyone left? She eased the tape away, unfolding the creases in the paper. Inside was a small box that looked suspiciously like a jewellery box and a little red card. She set the card aside for a moment, opening the small box.

Inside was a silver necklace, a detailed raven on a thin chain. Awed, she carefully pulled the necklace from the box and noticed a clasp on the right wing. It clicked open to a locket with a picture of her and Robin inside. She clutched the necklace to her chest, hugely touched and wondering why Robin would hide such a thoughtful gift.

Now she felt kind of stupid for the mix CD she'd given him for working out. No doubt this small gift would've cost a lot more than what she spent. Not wanting to wake him, she opened the small red card for answers.

 _Raven,_

 _I noticed that you are not big on Christmas and I'm sorry if that's what has been bringing you down recently. This is probably one of the most embarrassing gifts I have ever given but I hope it brings a smile to your face. I would do anything to see you smile._

 _Because the awkward truth is that I love you. Not just friendly love but the hold-your-hand, cuddle-in-the-sheets, introduce-you-to-my-Bat-family kind of love._

 _That's probably not what you want to hear. You've probably never considered me in that way and **that's completely fine**. I just love having you in my life and a part of my family. My Titan family. I will always be there for you._

 _Remember that whether you will have me or not, you are always loved. I will always love you._

 _Robin._

She stared at the words, comprehending slowly as she re-read the card over and over again. On her fourth time through, she leaned back on the bench for support and knocked her mug. It toppled and fell, shattering across the floor. Robin shot up from his position, looking bleary-eyed toward Raven.

"Raven, what's…" he began, trailing off as he noticed the card in her hand and the expression on her face.

He leaped over the couch towards her, tripping over his own feet on the way. He stumbled to stand, rooted in spot when he saw her expression again. For a moment, he thought he'd broken her, the way her mouth hung open and eyes were blown wide, unblinking. Her hands frozen with the card in one hand, the necklace fisted in her other.

"I'm so sorry Raven. I know now is not the time and-"

He stopped, scared, when she slammed the card down on the bench and marched toward him. Worried she was about to slap him or give him an earful, he raised his hands in a gesture for her to wait. He wasn't expecting her to cradle his face, capturing his lips with hers.

It took him a moment to process the situation, the warmth and electricity rising through him. Elated, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer as her chest arched up to him. Her lips were soft and sweet, everything he'd ever dreamed, as he moved his lips against hers; tasting and exploring.

She pulled back just a fraction so their lips were merely a hair's breadth apart.

"I love you too," she whispered against his lips, watching as his eyes shone with love.

She watched him in total awe, failing to grasp how someone could look at her and see someone so precious. Robin looked at her like she was his whole universe and she never left more beautiful, more loved, than she did now under his gaze.

She reached on her tip-toes, wrapping her arms around his neck, and peppered his face in kisses that had the great boy wonder _giggling._

Before the night ended, in the one moment Robin let her leave his arms, she took a pair of scissors to paper. Under the glittering lights of the tree, she cut a small picture of her mother and added it to the raven locket.

Pressing a kiss to the picture, she whispered, "Merry Christmas."

It was a long way before she would feel anywhere near healed. Maybe she never would. But, at least for this day, she was no longer alone. Before she took up Robin on the 'cuddle-in-the-sheets' part of his love, she cut out one part of his card to remember and tucked it into her locket, snapping it shut.

 _Remember that whether you will have me or not, you are always loved. I will always love you._


End file.
